Dwiddly

I was born a little over 30 years ago. I tried to understand myself for a while and I found that I was either pretty bored or psyched by what I saw in my ways. I have come to be at ease with myself after coming to terms with and finding the nice ‘cushion’y word non conformist !

Like many other kids of that age, I started out not wanting to go to school. Unlike other kids though, I used to be in the kitchen long enough for me to confidently make the case that I would become a cook one day and that I did not need to go to school to learn cooking ! As I approached my 10th grade, my parents were getting pretty worried about what would happen to me and somehow convinced me to join a daily tutorial to prepare me for my board exams. This, I think was a big big turning point in my life. It was in these classes by D.V. Nagesh that I got a feel for the fun in doing Math and learning the concepts of Physics. From there on I was set on studying Physics and went on to study Physics for my BSc, Solid State Physcis for my MSc and then did some research on thermal plasma processing for my PhD.

During my Pre-Univ. days in the National College Basavanagudi, thanks to the theatre scene nurtured within the institution, I realized my love for theatre, especially for working back stage, and with the lights. I was fully involved in about 6 productions over the 5 years that I was there and by the time I finished my BSc, I decided to see if I could join the National School of Drama in Delhi for a post graduate diploma in theatre. I got to the second phase of selection and I thought I was doing pretty well. In one of final rounds of testing, I was given a photograph and asked to use three other people in the group to put together a before and after still. Whatever I was then, I was surely not a literalist. My interpreting and not making a literal presentation irked Bhanu Bharati, one of the evaluators, like crazy. Though I don’t have a good reason to believe that that particular round was what knocked me out, looking back I am pretty sure that that particular knocked flat the idea that a training at NSD would be something I would enjoy doing. The repeated rejections in the psychology rounds of the defence services selection boards (SSB) had confirmed my hunch that I thought a little too independently for institutions to feel comfortable, but the realization that I might be even less of a conformist than what a leading light of Indian theatre would expect was a realization.

I was exposed to political ideas and social in-equities during the days in theatre, but I was not perturbed enough I suppose. The earthquake of 2001 in Gujarat and the socio-economic inequities brought out by the disaster started to bother me enough to start thinking about these issues and pitch in with an hour or so of volunteering to clear the rubble in one place. The riots of 2002, again in Gujarat, had me really thinking about my silence in the socio-political sphere. By then I had left Gujarat and was in Minneapolis, and was soon part of discussions at the local AID chapter there.

Slowly I was exposed to the many ideas and ideals of development and their politics; the effects of gender, caste, race, and other forms of discrimination that have cast deep roots that have influenced our lives, usually to the benefit of us upper caste males with a not a so black skin complexion; the need for and the strength of community mobilization; and many other ideas. By 2004 I had decided to work in the social sector and by mid 2005 I contemplated rolling back my PhD to a MS and finishing up quicker to return to India and work with marginalized communities that are mobilized and are fighting for their rights. But most of my friends and well wishers advised me against such a step and coaxed me to finish my PhD first. Atlast in Jan 2008 I graduated and a couple of months later arrived in Sitapur, UP to learn from and work with Sangtin Kisan Mazdoor Sanghatan.

In early 2003 I was able to convince Sudha that we shared similar ideas, ideals and goals for us to plan our life paths together. And the saaji-daari continues … We have given ourselves a year to figure out where we will earn our livelihood from and whether I should be taking up a full time job outside the social sector to make ends meet. The posts on this blog will hopefully tell the rest of the story as we explore further and look deeper within ourselves.

Oh! by the way, my name is Dwijendra nath Guru, a.k.a. Deepu, Dwiji, Dwija, etc. by friends & family.